Unemployment Day 3: Deep Thoughts and Lists by A Woman With Too Much Unstructured Time On Her Hands!

There has to be a happy life in there somewhere!

40.

It feels like a lot. 

Especially because it seems I'm being tested these days. 

As I watch all my slightly older classmates fall like Facebook reminder dominoes, my own approaching milestone is ever present. As a result of this, and my general sentimental nostalgic nature, I've peeked back at the last decade of my life in my newly acquired free time...sorta like picking an old half-healed scab.  

I suppose I was hoping that reverse life accounting might enlighten as to what the hell I want from this next phase of life. (For reals, I could use all help I can get in that department.)  And while I'm still tragically short on practical details, I did learn a few applicable things in my recent revelries:

1. Obsessively looking back only reinforces I'm that much closer to "the end".  Seeing an entire generation (especially in early photos) fade away creates an acute awareness that time is going fast. 
2. Given the above awareness, I need to stop taking shit for granted immediately. 
3. Most importantly, I have to quit being so hard on myself. I seriously need to ditch this ever present notion that because I'm single, have no kids or house, let alone a serious career, I'm somehow a failure with no life accomplishments.  Because seriously, who's judging what constitutes a successful or accomplished life anyway? Or as my dad always says, "Who died and made THEM boss?"  

That last lesson only came after literally listing my major life milestones and accomplishments during one of my more OCD jaunts down memory lane. But that's natural given I'm desperately trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and Germans and  project managers only know how to think in list format.  

So, with that in mind, an eye to future nostalgic archival dives, and a middle finger extended to white suburban mid-century expectations, here's some awesome things I did in my 30's for posterity:  

• Went sky diving. 
• Completed a 365 blog writing and taking one photo a day every day 
• Traveled from Russia to Spain via Finland, Germany, The Netherlands, Belgium, and France in a truck filled with art, and a few dudes with guns
• Left Brooklyn after 8 awesome years
• Ran a bunch of tours all over the city for friends
• Walked Broadway end to end 
• Drove 72 hours straight cross county in a big rig with a married couple, twice. 
• Went back to school, earned a Certificate from NYU, became a certified Project Manager and managed to change careers after 10 years in the art museum world
• Created a bucket list and got busy crossing shit off 
• Traveled to England, Mexico, Peru, a few times to Germany and so many cities in the US I lost count
• Started really taking photos 
• Got paid to carry objects from the Titanic in a rolling suitcase and accidentally ended up on Russian TV
• Met a boy, fell in hard core love, moved in together, got a kitten, got engaged, bought a wedding dress and then had my heart smashed to dust when he walked out without a real explanation
• Realized I have more strength and resolve than I ever thought possible 
• Created a little online side business 
• Learned to really love myself by following my "Give Fewer Fucks" mantra.  It's my daily reminder to drop the burden of caring what other people expect/think and set myself free!